I can't breathe out the right side of my face
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
