Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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