I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
