He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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