he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Someone shattered a urinal.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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