The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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