I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
