like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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