i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
