i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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