I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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