I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
