I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
