fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
