Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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