I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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