But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
They are going to name an STD after you.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
