No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
