So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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