it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
