she smelled like a LAN party
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
