apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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