yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
