hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
