I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
