you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You can't motorboat a personality
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
