I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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