1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
