i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
