My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
