well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
