I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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