Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
