So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
