i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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