He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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