Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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