I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
