Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
