to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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