how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
