dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
