I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize
