fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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