"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
