I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
