dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
