If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
