just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
