I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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