I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
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