I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
