we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
