Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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