you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
