She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
